cut & run-

you cannot hope to see it all

the rising tide

the crashing fall

But seeing some, is not nearly enough

to ride the wave

and survive the trough

stand and fight- or cut and run

you don't know now

but it will be done

everything they had-

Pack-it-in to one last time

Make it just enough

Running of the gauntlet

Making you so tough

Why'd you push the boundaries

and cause yourself this pain?

Why'd you leave so quietly

and stand out in the rain?

They gave you time

They gave you space

But it's never quite enough

They gave you everything they had

And still you treat them rough

They all reach out their hands for you

and cradle you with care

But you rally and rail against them

and tell them they don't care

They gave you everything they had

time and love and space

but you laughed and spat and kicked up dust

You threw it in their face

storm-

spinkle sparkle

flicker flash

blinded by the lighting

caught up in the crash

of joy and more

and setting store

by things that make you smile

and twisted rings

or fancy things

amusements for a while

come join in the hegemony

let's make a great cacophony

before the joy is gone

at the edges of this storm

spinkle sparkle

flicker flash

blinded by the energy

run the final dash

all there is-

and in that moment

the shadows become fuzzier

the lines deeper

and all the worry of the world descends on my shoulders

if you love me

cross everything that you have

fingers, toes, ankles and knees

I need all the luck you can muster

but isn't it the same every day?

isn't luck the only difference between

a good day and a bad?

A joy and a sorrow?

so throw salt over your shoulder

bless yourself

hold the rabbits paw

and cross your fingers for me

I want it all

I want more

lost & found-

sometimes i lose my mind

sometimes i lose my soul

sometimes i feel left behind

but it's not for naught you know

so i hide away with teacups

i hide away with pain

i hide away with sorrow

until i'm found again

then tea and sympathy rain on me

and sponges filled with jam

and tiny cucumber sandwiches

because that is who i am

because-

Reality seeps in

gets under my skin

light of my life

it's not you, its me

start again if you can

reach out for my hand

light of my life

we'll run free

It's not what it should be

it's not what it was

it can't be this way

forever because

we promised our lives

we were young hopeful brides

we have so much to offer

right now and because

swift-

Bend and break

twist and sigh

flash of quick lightening

corner of the eye

three-hundred-and-sixty

from white to black

doubletake-talking

whip-lash whip-cracked

yes sir, no sir

and three bags full

decision made quickly

red rag to a bull

weigh it up, weigh it in

and never enough

fork in the road again

ain't life tough

fresh-

-for baby Willow Asha Bowman. Born 19.10.09. Welcome.

New life

springs in the night

new life

struggles in the dawn

new life

cries in the morning

what glory is this

we have born

Welcome

to the shadows

welcome

to the light

welcome

to the family

a light that shines

so bright

Macarons (or 'a beautiful waste')

-for Sarah... you know what I mean

And we flung our macarons in the ocean

a beautiful rainbow on the tide

a waste of bright joy in the swell

a beautiful and beguiling motion

And we flung our faces to the sun

twisting bodies to meet the light

tangling of limbs in the sunbeams

thinking such freedom would never come

And we flung our bodies to the ocean

a beautiful mess in the light

a reckless joy in the icy-cold swell

a beautiful and beguiling motion

Awe-

Shakes-shudders

with the thrill of it.

Tremble-titters

with the rush.

Modern groupie excited

Completely delighted-

Game over

and now there's the hush.

the madness-

There's a tick-tock in my brain

and it's competing with the rain

to see if it can slowly drive me mad

There's a rushing in my ears

and a swishing of my fears

pulses racing you're the best I've ever had

There's a moment of regret

and a wishing to forget

and a memory that's bound to drive you wild

Then there's embracing what is right

whisper-perfect in the night

why fight it when it's followed you for miles

air-

breath out - breath out

there's no more worry

breath out - breath out

There's not more to fear

Breath out and rest

no need to be sorry

breath out - breath out

you'll find peace here

Breath full and in

there's light and love

breath up and in

there's looking beyond

breath in and full

we are rising above

breath in and full

all your longing is gone.

forget-me-not-

-written in 1999 and found in the box in the garage

Remembrance is a funny thing,

it slips inside your mind

and tingles at your memory

until it manages to find

those little blue forget-me-nots,

that clutter up the past,

and trickle down our well-worn cheeks

when we cry at last.

These tears are not for sadness.

These tears are not for pain.

These tears are for remembrance,

running through your veins.

Opening up the floodgates

of times long since forgot.

The stories and the flowers

that plead 'forget me not...'

rhythm-

-written in 2000 when I was living in the UK, found in the box in the garage

Beat. beat. beat.

rain against the glass

beat. beat. beat.

the breaking of my heart

the clanging of a hammer

the thunder of a drum

beat beat beat

keeping time until you come

change-

-written when I was 11yrs old- and found in that box in the garage

As the days of the year

give way to one another,

today to tomorrow

as sister to brother,

Summer to Autumn

and Winter to Spring,

so the birds of the nest

now take to the wing.

The year she grows old

and sheds light on the new.

We grow and e change,

as the seasons do.

A flower will open,

hold it's glory then die.

Enjoying life

as it passes by.

Accept change as it comes,

let go of the past.

Savour life's little moments,

they go so fast.

Change comes in new

and goes out old.

So the once timid child

may grow to be bold

wet-

a gentle blanket falls

damp-soft

and frothy light

mists of rain

glitter globes suspend

trickle-light

and holding tight

drops of dew

glossy rivers run

shiny-sleek

gutters rush and seek

spring-time haze

pretend-

These are not my words

this is not my face

these are not my feet

running this race

these are not my tears

this is not my smile

these are not my hands

but I'll use them for a while

I'll hide away in certainty

that no one else can see

that this person I am living

isn't really me

The mask-

-written when I was 14 (in 1995). This poem won an award, and I thought it would make me a famous poet... I have a very soft spot in my heart for this poem.

I cry the tears you've never shed,

for love you've never known.

I see you smiling from the wall,

though your smile is made of stone.

Oh! Happy are you, mask of joy!

Your smile in slate is set.

Your soul feels not the pangs of pain

that humans feel, and yet...

Your smile of clay is not so deep,

for it touches not your eyes.

Those sad and sightless socket holes

full of happy lies.

Do you wonder my mask of joy,

what makes a happy man?

It's the sorrows and the pleasures,

there is nothing else that can.

In your feigning of happiness

you are safe from all that pains,

you will not feel the cuts and blows...

much less the many gains.

For life without soul, as you live mask,

is not a life at all.

The higher you climb on the ladder of life

the further you will fall.

A fire without a flame,

is just a fire place.

And life without a soul,

is a mask, without a face.

girls-

-written in 2001 and stored in the old box in the garage, heavily influenced by Dorothy Parker's poetry... but we all need an influence.

Some girls would take a woeful song

and make it all their own,

Some girls would giggle recklessly

at things they have been shown.

Some ladies smile the virtuous smile

as they draw their curtains at night.

But oh! I am a wicked one...

for I leave on the light!

And whose to tell me I'm right or wrong

if I should run away?

And whose the one to comfort me

should I choose to stay?

But as there is no answer-

no strong and constant arm.

I shall do that which I please

and keep myself from harm!

fade-

-written in 2001 & stored in the old box in garage

As the clock sticks slowly on

I run out of things to say

and watching water in the sun

my mind begins to play

roving over the dreamscapes

of histories boldest knights

watching them fade into nothing

as they ride into the light

of day and dawn and memory

washing across the space

of sad and lonely nothingness

written all over my face

So I sink back into my dreamworlds

where life is full of fire

and let my mind go flying

to stories that do not tire

or weary, or dull

or age with time

no matter how oft

they are writ in rhyme

resolve-

-written in 2001 and stored in the old box in the garage

Some games go on forever

some dreams go on for years

sighing across the moments

playing on all fears

My soul drifted off in the sunset

my tears melt away with the snow

my heart flew away with the breeze

my sparked packed it's bags to go

For despite all the games and the dreaming

There's just so much that one heart can take

and I'm stealing myself against your soft words

for fear that my heart might break

So I kissed you goodbye forever

I kissed you goodbye for years

I kissed you goodbye with the strongest resolve

and you wrote a song with my tears

I flung my soul to the sunset

I left my ice tears in the sun

I opened my heart to make a new start

But the wind with my soul took the run

and it lifted me up to the morning

and it bore my new heart away

to show me how to be grateful

for the promise of an unwritten new day

lost in a moment-

Swept up in a notion

in an ocean

of surprise

Swept up by a current

of enjoyment

passing right before my eyes

Rounded up with new momentum

swimming with a tide

dragged in by a current

taken in my stride

pushed along with energy

caught up in the synergy

of a moment

Caught alone unguarded

easy to be parted

from my reason

phantom-

you haunt me at the edges of my vision

anywhere I wander

you go too

Your face is never turned towards me

but I feel you

know you go

you're the face that's half in shadow

you're the head that didn't turn

you're the laugh that fades around me

and still I feel the burn

you should have let me walk away

but I wander

and you follow

you should have faded clean away

but you drag

me down with sorrow

the words-

'you are the most wonderful woman'

your words to me

when we were far apart.

Reunited

Holding each other close again

All the words stopped.

'you are the most wonderful woman'

became

what's for dinner & what's on TV

Reunited

lying close agin

there was no longer room for you & me.

And then you e-mail me from work

a simple request

finished with 'thank you beautiful'

reunited

feeling close again

The words are different.

bon-

Bonhomie,

for you

and me.

A gentle smile

A tilted hat

Inviting me to stay awhile...

Bon vivant,

for me

and us.

The finer things

of glossy pleasure

Inviting us to spread our wings...

Bon appetit,

For you

and me.

The world is wide-

it beckons us

and cannot not be denied...

five eyes- by Walter de la Mare

*This is a poem that I remember my father reciting to me as a child. It is still one of the most moving memories that I have of beautiful words. Enjoy. *

FIVE EYES

In Hans' old Mill his three black cats

Watch the bins for the thieving rats.
Whisker and claw, they crouch in the night,
Their five eyes smouldering, green and bright:
Squeaks from the flour sacks, squeaks from where
The cold wind stirs on the empty stair,
Squeaking and scampering, everywhere.
Then down they pounce, now in, now out,
At whisking tail, and sniffing snout;
While lean old Hans he snores away
Till peep of light at break of day;
Then up he climbs to his creaking mill,
Out come his cats all grey with meal --
Jekkel, and Jessup, and one-eyed Jill.

kiss the sky-

-written in 2001 & rediscovered in that old box in the garage

Sometimes I just wish I could kiss the sky.

Make it light up with my fingertips & throw the paint of my soul across the horizon.

That would do it.

Yes, that would show the world that I am alive & bring it all in close to me.

I want to feel large & washed over by life

I want to feel the grains of eternity falling through my fingers

I want to breath in & out the timeless rushing sigh of creation

I want to be a baby's first steps,

first laugh,

first waking,

I want to taste salt on my lips from a day wasted away at the beach,

forever.

I want to laugh at the crystals forming on my lovers eyelashes & run fingers through tousled curls.

I want to know that it is eternity that stretches out from yesterday, all under the gaze of the moon.

I just wish I could kiss the sky & its blush washed sunset.

the moon in four phases-

-written 13.11.2001 (ain't nothing like finding a box full of old poems & prose)

Out in the garden the moon laughs softly, telling me it's time to sleep- but that he likes my company anyway.

The moon and I are good friends you see & he misses my companionship when it's cloudy.

He tells me that I'm beautiful, my friend the moon & that he knows all my secrets.

From where he sits he can see way off into the future & he loves me because there is so much that I am yet to do.

He tells me that I will be happy & that no matter what, he will always be there for me- just beyond the sun- to rock me to sleep & to share my dreams with, even when it's raining.

I like him because he doesn't crowd me in my life. He just listens & shares, shedding light on the beautiful things in the evening with his silver fingers- lovingly caressing all that I neglected to notice in the daylight.

He is gentle & soft, patient & kind.

He is a little boy lost who will never grow up.

He is the moon.

My moon, my friend.

My lifetime measure in four phases.

a chance of rain-

The grey bites me.

It’s a lingering veil in my veins

Sapping life and promise out of me.

Tomorrow when the sun shines I might find

my way again.

But for now,

With my soul hungering for summer,

I sit

Transfixed by the grey.

too-hard basket-

Simple;

Uncomplicated;

Whole and unaffected.

That’s what I want.

Complicated request;

Confused answer;

Application rejected.

Undone-

I am frozen stuck. Can’t undo myself. Or you.

I am frozen broken- no more lightening smiles, or tears of crocodiles.

I am broken shaken.

But, I could be mistaken.

Would you loosen patch- me back up again?

Would you wake and shake- me out of reverie?

I am waking breaking- into a new day and sigh of relief.

I am woken breaking- out into the light of promise after night.

I have moved reached- for the next leap.

I am moving reaching.

Gone.