lost & found-

sometimes i lose my mind

sometimes i lose my soul

sometimes i feel left behind

but it's not for naught you know

so i hide away with teacups

i hide away with pain

i hide away with sorrow

until i'm found again

then tea and sympathy rain on me

and sponges filled with jam

and tiny cucumber sandwiches

because that is who i am

because-

Reality seeps in

gets under my skin

light of my life

it's not you, its me

start again if you can

reach out for my hand

light of my life

we'll run free

It's not what it should be

it's not what it was

it can't be this way

forever because

we promised our lives

we were young hopeful brides

we have so much to offer

right now and because

swift-

Bend and break

twist and sigh

flash of quick lightening

corner of the eye

three-hundred-and-sixty

from white to black

doubletake-talking

whip-lash whip-cracked

yes sir, no sir

and three bags full

decision made quickly

red rag to a bull

weigh it up, weigh it in

and never enough

fork in the road again

ain't life tough

fresh-

-for baby Willow Asha Bowman. Born 19.10.09. Welcome.

New life

springs in the night

new life

struggles in the dawn

new life

cries in the morning

what glory is this

we have born

Welcome

to the shadows

welcome

to the light

welcome

to the family

a light that shines

so bright

Macarons (or 'a beautiful waste')

-for Sarah... you know what I mean

And we flung our macarons in the ocean

a beautiful rainbow on the tide

a waste of bright joy in the swell

a beautiful and beguiling motion

And we flung our faces to the sun

twisting bodies to meet the light

tangling of limbs in the sunbeams

thinking such freedom would never come

And we flung our bodies to the ocean

a beautiful mess in the light

a reckless joy in the icy-cold swell

a beautiful and beguiling motion

Awe-

Shakes-shudders

with the thrill of it.

Tremble-titters

with the rush.

Modern groupie excited

Completely delighted-

Game over

and now there's the hush.

the madness-

There's a tick-tock in my brain

and it's competing with the rain

to see if it can slowly drive me mad

There's a rushing in my ears

and a swishing of my fears

pulses racing you're the best I've ever had

There's a moment of regret

and a wishing to forget

and a memory that's bound to drive you wild

Then there's embracing what is right

whisper-perfect in the night

why fight it when it's followed you for miles

air-

breath out - breath out

there's no more worry

breath out - breath out

There's not more to fear

Breath out and rest

no need to be sorry

breath out - breath out

you'll find peace here

Breath full and in

there's light and love

breath up and in

there's looking beyond

breath in and full

we are rising above

breath in and full

all your longing is gone.

forget-me-not-

-written in 1999 and found in the box in the garage

Remembrance is a funny thing,

it slips inside your mind

and tingles at your memory

until it manages to find

those little blue forget-me-nots,

that clutter up the past,

and trickle down our well-worn cheeks

when we cry at last.

These tears are not for sadness.

These tears are not for pain.

These tears are for remembrance,

running through your veins.

Opening up the floodgates

of times long since forgot.

The stories and the flowers

that plead 'forget me not...'

rhythm-

-written in 2000 when I was living in the UK, found in the box in the garage

Beat. beat. beat.

rain against the glass

beat. beat. beat.

the breaking of my heart

the clanging of a hammer

the thunder of a drum

beat beat beat

keeping time until you come

change-

-written when I was 11yrs old- and found in that box in the garage

As the days of the year

give way to one another,

today to tomorrow

as sister to brother,

Summer to Autumn

and Winter to Spring,

so the birds of the nest

now take to the wing.

The year she grows old

and sheds light on the new.

We grow and e change,

as the seasons do.

A flower will open,

hold it's glory then die.

Enjoying life

as it passes by.

Accept change as it comes,

let go of the past.

Savour life's little moments,

they go so fast.

Change comes in new

and goes out old.

So the once timid child

may grow to be bold

wet-

a gentle blanket falls

damp-soft

and frothy light

mists of rain

glitter globes suspend

trickle-light

and holding tight

drops of dew

glossy rivers run

shiny-sleek

gutters rush and seek

spring-time haze

pretend-

These are not my words

this is not my face

these are not my feet

running this race

these are not my tears

this is not my smile

these are not my hands

but I'll use them for a while

I'll hide away in certainty

that no one else can see

that this person I am living

isn't really me

The mask-

-written when I was 14 (in 1995). This poem won an award, and I thought it would make me a famous poet... I have a very soft spot in my heart for this poem.

I cry the tears you've never shed,

for love you've never known.

I see you smiling from the wall,

though your smile is made of stone.

Oh! Happy are you, mask of joy!

Your smile in slate is set.

Your soul feels not the pangs of pain

that humans feel, and yet...

Your smile of clay is not so deep,

for it touches not your eyes.

Those sad and sightless socket holes

full of happy lies.

Do you wonder my mask of joy,

what makes a happy man?

It's the sorrows and the pleasures,

there is nothing else that can.

In your feigning of happiness

you are safe from all that pains,

you will not feel the cuts and blows...

much less the many gains.

For life without soul, as you live mask,

is not a life at all.

The higher you climb on the ladder of life

the further you will fall.

A fire without a flame,

is just a fire place.

And life without a soul,

is a mask, without a face.

girls-

-written in 2001 and stored in the old box in the garage, heavily influenced by Dorothy Parker's poetry... but we all need an influence.

Some girls would take a woeful song

and make it all their own,

Some girls would giggle recklessly

at things they have been shown.

Some ladies smile the virtuous smile

as they draw their curtains at night.

But oh! I am a wicked one...

for I leave on the light!

And whose to tell me I'm right or wrong

if I should run away?

And whose the one to comfort me

should I choose to stay?

But as there is no answer-

no strong and constant arm.

I shall do that which I please

and keep myself from harm!

fade-

-written in 2001 & stored in the old box in garage

As the clock sticks slowly on

I run out of things to say

and watching water in the sun

my mind begins to play

roving over the dreamscapes

of histories boldest knights

watching them fade into nothing

as they ride into the light

of day and dawn and memory

washing across the space

of sad and lonely nothingness

written all over my face

So I sink back into my dreamworlds

where life is full of fire

and let my mind go flying

to stories that do not tire

or weary, or dull

or age with time

no matter how oft

they are writ in rhyme

resolve-

-written in 2001 and stored in the old box in the garage

Some games go on forever

some dreams go on for years

sighing across the moments

playing on all fears

My soul drifted off in the sunset

my tears melt away with the snow

my heart flew away with the breeze

my sparked packed it's bags to go

For despite all the games and the dreaming

There's just so much that one heart can take

and I'm stealing myself against your soft words

for fear that my heart might break

So I kissed you goodbye forever

I kissed you goodbye for years

I kissed you goodbye with the strongest resolve

and you wrote a song with my tears

I flung my soul to the sunset

I left my ice tears in the sun

I opened my heart to make a new start

But the wind with my soul took the run

and it lifted me up to the morning

and it bore my new heart away

to show me how to be grateful

for the promise of an unwritten new day

lost in a moment-

Swept up in a notion

in an ocean

of surprise

Swept up by a current

of enjoyment

passing right before my eyes

Rounded up with new momentum

swimming with a tide

dragged in by a current

taken in my stride

pushed along with energy

caught up in the synergy

of a moment

Caught alone unguarded

easy to be parted

from my reason

phantom-

you haunt me at the edges of my vision

anywhere I wander

you go too

Your face is never turned towards me

but I feel you

know you go

you're the face that's half in shadow

you're the head that didn't turn

you're the laugh that fades around me

and still I feel the burn

you should have let me walk away

but I wander

and you follow

you should have faded clean away

but you drag

me down with sorrow

the words-

'you are the most wonderful woman'

your words to me

when we were far apart.

Reunited

Holding each other close again

All the words stopped.

'you are the most wonderful woman'

became

what's for dinner & what's on TV

Reunited

lying close agin

there was no longer room for you & me.

And then you e-mail me from work

a simple request

finished with 'thank you beautiful'

reunited

feeling close again

The words are different.